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June 18th, 2017

12:45 PM

To My Father, You Deserve This Day

I want to wish a Happy Father’s Day to a man whom I’ve looked up to my entire life. A man who helped me be the man I am today. The man who shares my same name with a senior at the end, my father.

It has been a while but readers of this blog know how much love I have for the man. He’s been through so much physically that it helps to inspire me whenever things are not going well in my life. In fact, after all he’s gone through I should not even complain. The fact the Lord has brought him this far is a testament of my father’s faith and determination. Qualities I lack at times but have adopted them as much as I can in my own life.

My father used to be a chef or head cook at a restaurant near Downtown Los Angeles. Like old edifices that used to exist, it’s not in the same place anymore. I passed by it yesterday while taking a ‘field trip’ to the city and remember the times my father would always show up for work in his white uniform and hat, proudly wearing it to engage for a night preparing meals for customers who showed up to eat a hearty meal. His efforts were greatly appreciated by patrons over the years where ten years ago at the funeral of a longtime family friend of ours, two women approached me remembering the lunches my father made for them in our family friend’s café in Lincoln Heights. At that time, it had been forty years since my father worked in that café before his move to the restaurant, but I smiled realizing how much of an influence by cooking meals he had with people.

He’s a quiet man such as I, except when we used to go to visit family in Northern California. My father would be the life of the party, and my relatives enjoyed each moment he spent with them. This is a secret desire that has long eluded me, to be just like him with the same sense of humor he has. In a way I’m jealous of my father for all the right reasons. As much of a bookworm or ‘bright’ person I am, it is my father who taught me how to be a gentleman, treat women the way they deserved to be treated with respect, and how to be a man. There’s a whole lot I can say about my father Charles L, but these are thoughts best relegated to my own heart rather than sharing it on the internet or social media. I’ve felt I’ve shared so much already if you’ve been following the blog.

My role as a caretaker is an example of the love I have for my father. I wouldn’t do this for anyone else but him. There’s nothing wrong to say you love your father and I love mine dearly. Yes, we have our differences, we do argue and disagree on certain issues, but it doesn’t lessen the love I have for him and I guess there are people still living on this earth who love Chuck the same too.

Happy Father’s Day to a great man in my eyes, Charles L. Chatmon, Sr.

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June 11th, 2017

11:04 PM

Substitute Quotes of the Galaxy, Vol. II

From the ‘Make Mine Marvelous’ department………

To anyone reading this, over the course of the school year I encounter a lot of young people, students from various schools I’ve worked in. Here is a compilation of what I think are the best quotes and replies from 2016-2017 (no offense to any of the students I know reading this, but you’ll know next time not to say crazy things to me, lol) ~ Mr. Chatmon

Note: these are the BEST quotes are from April to January, going backward.

When your students are working on an assignment of what happen to them in the future, this happens:
Me: Did you turn in your ‘Future’ handout yet?
Student (on cell phone): We’re looking up the answers right now.
To your future? On your cell phone?
The future’s not looking so bright for this guy………

Talking trash to 7th graders in P.E. at one of their basketball games:
Me: You should go to your ‘safe space’, the bench.
(the court had seven foot rims, so a nearly six foot 7th grader dunks in front of another student)
Me: Break out the paper, because you’ve been posterized!
Six weeks and counting, this school year’s becoming more fun……..

Conversation for a short story project:
Student: What if you saw dogs having their own ‘fun time’?
Me: You can write it like that, just don’t be explicit.
Helping future writers avoid trouble with their regular teacher, lol…..

A couple of students were looking at the ‘earth’ section of Google maps when this happened:
Me: Looks like there’s an oil spill in Compton.
1st Student: There’s coal there. See, there was a mountain and the people took coal out.
Me: Oh, so there’s coal in Compton now?
2nd Student: Yeah, there’s oil there too. See?
Me: I used to work there. There’s no coal or oil there. Nice try.
If that were true, CBS would have greenlit ‘The Compton Hillbillies’ by now………….

Student: Mr. Chatmon, have you seen Hamilton?
Me: No, I haven’t.
Student: You have to! It’s my life!
Sounds like she was very excited. If you’ve seen it, is it worth the hype?

Student: Mr. Chatmon, I just wanted to let you know you’re a good teacher. Can I stay down here? I don’t want to go to my math class.
Me: I just want to let you know you’re a good student and no – you have to go to your math class.
I don’t accept flattery that easy with students, lol……….

One student who didn’t belong in my class, sits down in the regular teacher’s desk chair. He tries to be cute rolling it towards his friend and winds up overturning the chair, falling on the floor. Before he left, I offered these words to him. “Don’t embarrass yourself with the teacher next door.” Yes, it’s been a long day with the 8th graders……

When you encourage a student to ‘do their work’:
Student: I’ve got two pages left sir.
Me: Well you know you have five minutes left. I’ve announced it like, three times………

Student asking me about a test prep handout he worked on in class.
Student: Do I have to turn this in?
Me: No, you have a test tomorrow. You’ll need that to study.
Student: What if I lose it?
Me: Then you might not pass the test. It’s not going to hurt me, I won’t be here.
Don’t lose that test sir. (although he wanted to, lol)

Student: are you a nice substitute?
Me: I consider myself to be a mean substitute.
(I growl very loud)
Me: See? Told you I’m mean!

No classroom today; supervision duty. One student didn’t like that.
Me: Why don’t you have a pass?
Student: I’m floating.
(I follow the kid back to his classroom)
Student: How come you’re following me?
Me: I guess I’m a ‘floater’ too.

Student: What’s your first name?
Me: It’s C, like it says on the badge.
Student: C?
Me: Yeah, just like when I talk with my friends. They say, “Hey C.” I say “Hey M! Hello X. What’s up W?”
The youngster had enough. No way am I’m telling students my first name, if I can help it…….

Student (at today’s pep rally): Mr. Chatmon, can you sing like that?
Me: Only in the shower.
You know it’s true, lol………

2017: This song is a ‘political’ statement!
1987: This song is something I can dance to.
Yep, times have changed……….

Student: Backpack lives matter!
Me: Not today. (I asked him to put it on the ground)
You see who I’m dealing with here? LOL

One teacher said the following today: “Mr. Chatmon, you’re an inspiration!” It’s nice to hear that from someone who appreciates what you do…….

Students returning from a field trip:
Me: How was the forest?
Student #1: It was good.
Student #2: No, it was bad. The forest isn’t where Black people go to live; it’s where they go to die!
Yep, you watch enough horror movies, you have the same conclusion. You know it’s true, lol……..

Students this afternoon were so scared of all this rain falling down, I told them “I played football in this weather!” Yep, I ‘called’ them out, lol…………..

Student: Other subs are stiff, telling you to sit down and do your work. But you? You got personality!
Ah yes, now THAT made my day……

Student: I plead the fifth…….
Me: I see you’re ripping off Dave Chappelle.
Student: Who’s Dave Chappelle?
Me: Blasphemy!
These so-called millennials are starting to make me sick, lol…….

Student: Mister, what are your favorite things you like to do?
Me: sleep, check emails, and talk trash on Facebook.
I would say ‘post every funny quotes you folks say to me”, but I don’t want any students stalking me on FB, lol……….

Student: Mister, would you let a lizard bite you in the nose?
Me: No, I wouldn’t let a lizard bite me in the nose. I like my nose too much to let anything bite it.
Student: If you did, they would call you a ‘god’.
Me: If I did, they would call me an ‘idiot’.
I’ll let the next contestant take a stab at it, lol………..

A student treats herself to sit in my chair. I have to say the following to her:
Me: “That’s Captain Kirk’s chair! No one sits in Captain Kirk’s chair ever! You have to sit in your own seat!”
If the students didn’t know who Captain Kirk was, that would know by the time I finished urging them to ‘get up’………….

Student: I don’t want to sit over there. I want to sit there.
Me: Oh, so you’re telling me what to do now? (leans next to him) You don’t tell me what to do! Look at me!
(Student looks me right in the eyes)
Me: You don’t tell me what to do!
Told you the nice guy is ‘dead’, lol……….

Student: but you’re a nice guy –
Me: The nice guy is dead! I killed him!
(Students ran out of their seats so fast)
Me: It’s a metaphor! A metaphor! I didn’t kill anyone, settle down!
Guess I should have said, ‘taken him out’ instead…….

Student: What’s your first name?
Me: Darth.

Student: What up dude?
Me: Excuse me? My name’s Mr. Chatmon, not ‘dude’. (gets in his face) I’m gonna have to treat you like you’re in the army. Look at my badge. What’s my last name?
Student: Chatmon
Me: MISTER Chatmon. Now what’s my name again?
Student: Mr. Chatmon!
Guess he won’t be calling teachers ‘dude’ for a while, lol…….

Student: do you want me to roast you?
Me: If I want roast, I’ll go to Subway.

Student: may I have some water?
Me: There’s plenty of it outside. No.

Student: Mr. Chatmon, you poppin!
Me: I explode easily.

Student: Chatmon, I thought you were the homy.
Me: I guess that was another ‘alternate fact’.

From the ‘uptown funk’ department……
Two young men talk trash to girls at a table who listen to Bruno Mars:
Me: Not Bruno Mars fans, I see.
Student: Bruno Mars sucks, huh?
Me: You’re a hater!
No 24k Magic in this young man’s future……..

A student throws a magnetic dart against a metal cart. Of course, I have to say, “don’t grow up to be a supervillain.”

From the ‘Going Rogue One’ department……
Told a student, “put your cards away!”
He gives me a ‘death stare’, I stare at him back.
I thought to myself, “you can never win against the power of the dark side.” Yep, ‘Darth Teacher’ had returned……….

From the ‘chillin like a villain’ department……….
Me: I don’t have to say anything to this table, right?
Students: We’re not going do anything.
Me: I hope so, I really hope so. (Silent, wicked laugh follows)
All of a sudden, I felt I was in my ‘Darth Teacher’ mode, lol……..

From the ‘I can relate’ department…….
Student: I’m tired.
Me: I’m tired too.
Student: I’m hungry.
Me: I’m hungry too.
Student: I’m sleepy.
Me: I’m sleepy too and I’m older than you.
My 2017 is off to a great start, lol.

Editor’s note: Stay tuned, more on the way!

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June 11th, 2017

10:01 PM

Substitute Quotes of the Galaxy, Vol. I

To anyone reading this, over the course of the school year I encounter a lot of young people, students from various schools I’ve worked in. Here is a compilation of what I think are the best quotes and replies from 2016-2017 (no offense to any of the students I know reading this, but you’ll know next time not to say crazy things to me, lol) ~ Mr. Chatmon

Note: recent quotes from June are first, working down to late April. More are coming! LOL

Student (watching one of my videos): So Chatmon, do you have ‘700 Wives?’ (one of my poems)
Me: No, it’s just a poem and I have one wife.
To think, these ‘youngsters’ will bother me all summer on social media…….

From the’ you need a history lesson’ department……..
Me: I listened to Hammer last night.
Student: Who’s Hammer?
Me: M.C. Hammer, he had a song, “It’s All Good.”
Student: Who?
*sigh* The Millennials need a music history lesson!

Student: If I tell you this, you might have to call 911.
Me: What is it?
Student: I saw a ghost in the bathroom.
Me: Did you see Scooby Doo in there too? He always catches ghosts.
Student (laughs): No.

So I’m in the classroom when this eighth grader says this:
Student: Do we have a sub?
Me: Mr. Chatmon, I’m right here!
You would think they would know me by now, sigh……

From the ‘class of retribution’ department…….
Student (male): Mr. Chatmon, I love you.
Me: Last person who said that, Mrs. Chatmon locked them inside the warehouse.
If you read her book, you know it’s true!

Student shoots a paper ball into a wastebasket:
Student: Kobe! (he misses)
Me: Cold-Be!
The ‘Lack Mamba’ bricks again…..

Student: You’re the best substitute teacher.
Me: I ran out of checks, sorry……

Tonight’s Episode: ‘Where’s the money?’
Student: Someone stole money from a teacher.
Me: is that right?
Student: Yeah, it happened yesterday. First time in a long time.
Me: I’m putting it out there, I’m broke.

Working with a student on a plot:
Me: So what happens at the end of your story?
Student: She kills him off!
Me: Wow, that’s brutal!
She could have locked the bad man in a warehouse. (hint, hint:))

Student: So you worked down here, huh?
Me: I worked in this area, then I finished college.
Student: Look at you, you’re still teaching after all this time.
Me: Yeah, I’m being punished…….

A motivational message for one student who couldn’t get ‘into’ the lesson. He wasn’t serious, but neither was the teacher.
Student: I’m ashamed of myself.
Me: I ‘unashame’ you. (swipes hand down in air)
It worked. He went back to his seat, ‘unashamed’.

Student: do you have a black pen?
Me: Yes, I do. Here it is.
(after finding out it’s the wrong color she responds)
Student: this is a blue pen!
Me: sorry about that.
Student: I’m a diva!
This teacher blames you Gen X, Y and Z for ‘poisoning’ our kids, lol.

A 7th grader tells one of her classmates she’s going to ‘get him.’ Someone steps in and see what happens:
Student: Oh, you want to be on my strangle list too mister?
Me: Nope, Mrs. Chatmon has first dibs on that.

Student: show the man some respect!
Me: Actually you should show that to all adults who walk in this room.
Student: especially to you Mr. Chatmon.
My ‘fan base’ is growing, lol

Sidenote (May 3 2017). Anyone can find you online anytime (the next two posts prove it)….

Me: What made you look me up online?
Student: I was bored.
Me: You need a new hobby.
What a lame reason, lol. But I’ll accept that…..

Today was finally the day….some high school students found out my secret:
Student: you write books?
Me: Yes, I do.
Advice to any students following me on social media; you don’t really want to do that………..

(Shutting down students today, 7th grade)
Me: It’s time to write down some more names
Student: What is my name?
Me: You’ll find out.
Come on Mane, I’m not playing her game and besides, I already had her name on a list before class so either way, she’s in trouble……

My phone is buzzing while this is going on.
Me: One of my fans is calling.
Student: Do you rap? Sing? What?
Me: I teach. We teachers have fans too.
Student: Oh.
Of course a Google search doesn’t hurt either……..

Eventually, this student didn’t ‘look me up’ but students from a high school did and now they’re stuck with me, lol! Don’t worry; we’ll have lots to talk about in 2017-2018. Make sure it isn’t ‘post worthy’ (big smile)

~ Mr. Chatmon, that sub!

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June 4th, 2017

11:04 PM

Last Week of School

Hey everyone,

As you can tell, I haven't posted as much for a while since I've been concentrating on my substitute teacher status this 2016-17 school year. This is my last week for subbing since the year is winding down which means I'll have more time to write and work on other projects I've neglected.

Storm Over South Central: I haven't forgotten about that and my time off should help me finish it before 'other steps' are taken to ensure I make the deadline of November 2017, No one is more anxious about releasing this anthology as I am, but in order to make sure it's a good book, it takes time to get it right. I do appreciate your patience and I hope it will be worth your time when I'm finally done with it.

Expect more posts coming soon. I need to rest up for the final stretch in the morning. Take care.

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May 26th, 2017

11:56 PM

And Now, A Word From The Management

Before this day ends, I just want to thank everyone who has sent special greetings, wished me well and even hoped I enjoyed this day for obvious reasons (smile).

I’m extremely honored to know as many great family relatives, church members and friends out in cyberspace and in the real world. I just want each and every one of you to know how much I truly appreciate you in my life. I hope I have that same impact in your lives as well.

To every student regardless of who and what you are; thank you for always showing me respect and even when you didn’t, (ha, ha) that experience has helped me become a better substitute teacher (and person) each time.

For any students I know following my writing career, I hope you’re enjoying what you see because in two weeks, I won’t see you since the school year will be over by then.

Thank you all! May your days be blessed.

-The Management

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